Couples Counseling
Have you hit a roadblock with your spouse or partner?
Are you tired of constantly fighting?
If you’re like so many people I work with, you wish and hope to return to the place you were when you first started dating. You can probably remember a time when you cherished each other and loved spending time together.
But you know something has pulled you apart.
You might be feeling so angry that you barely want to be around each other. The truth is, relationships take work and it's normal that there are ebbs and flows. There will always be times when things are easier and times when they take more work. However, without guidance so many people are often not equipped to work through the difficult parts of their relationships, which can lead to breakups, separations, divorce, isolation and a loss of hope.
Relationships can bring up a lot of unresolved feelings from childhood. You probably are aware of repeating negative patterns with your partners, constantly wondering, “How can I change this?”
This is where I can help!
Many couples seeking my services come to me with a variety of struggles such as: :
- Communication issues
- Arguing, unfriendliness, lack of passion, etc.
- Different styles of communicating
- Loss of intimacy
- Differing feelings about marriage or children
- Conflict about parenting
- Issues surrounding being a stepparent
- Life transitions such as: job loss, illness, etc.
- Mental health issues on the part of one partner such as: depression or anxiety
- Addiction issues
- Infidelity
- Trust Issues
Often couples come to me after they have tried to deal with these issues on their own and they find that things are not changing or they are becoming more disconnected from each other. It’s such a relief to have a safe space with a neutral party to help take a deeper look at what’s at the root of the problem and how to fix it.
For the first time, you and your partner can understand the deeper, more unconscious patterns in the relationship and how to move beyond them.
One research study looked at different complaints that men have about women and vice versus. Some of the following were the results. Hopefully, this helps you realize, you are not alone! Can you relate to any of these?
Men's complaints about women:
• the silent treatment
• bringing up things he's done in the distant past
• being too hot or too cold
• being critical
• being stubborn and refusing to give in
Women's complaints about men:
• forgetting important dates, like birthdays or anniversaries
• not working hard at his job
• noisily burping or passing gas
• staring at other women
• being stubborn and refusing to give in
If you are in a relationship, I imagine that you can probably relate to at least a few of these. While some of these issues might not seem huge, they can really eat away at a relationship and over time, the relationship can start to deteriorate. This is where couples counseling can truly help!
My approach is to provide a safe, non judgmental environment where each partner can be heard. This is often what couples find difficult. One partner might be doing all of the talking and the other partner starts to check out. It might also feel scary to talk about these things on your own. You might not know how to raise the issues with your partner or you might be concerned that they will leave.
All couples need a place to talk about things. By providing a safe environment, I help each partner have a chance to express their concerns without the fear of being bashed by the other. While one partner might be more motivated to seek help than the other, this is not a reason to hold off.
After many years of working with couples, I’ve come to understand a number of core elements that successful couples take away from the therapeutic process. Effective couples counseling greatly improves communication by helping each partner gain a deeper understanding of each other and restoring intimacy. It also deepens connection by helping to unpeel any unresolved layers from the past. And most importantly, each person’s goals and what they hope to gain from the experience must always drive the direction of the therapy in order to receive the most benefit from the process.
I work with and respect people in all sorts of different relationships and value the diversity of my clients. Some of my clients are in heterosexual, traditional marriages. Others are in same sex relationships or marriages. Some are in second or third marriages, step family situations, etc. Regardless, I understand the dynamics and concerns related to these different situations.